Jurassic World: Dominion | Little White Lies

But that’s not all! Very bad peo­ple have trained the rap­tors to attack peo­ple when a laser point­er in aimed at them, a plot point so stu­pid it wouldn’t have made it past brain­storm­ing for Austin Pow­ers 3. Final­ly, Biosyn – which is sort of like a more evil Mon­san­to – has used dinosaur DNA to cre­ate a species of locust that only eat their competitor’s crops and will cause glob­al famine.

So, it’s up to our rag­tag team of two for­mer zoo keep­ers, a pale­ob­otanist, a math­e­mati­cian, a clone of a lit­tle girl and an (admit­ted­ly pret­ty cool) retired pilot to save the day. Sam Neill’s Dr. Alan Grant has pro­gressed so lit­tle in the past 30 years, he is sum­moned from a pale­on­tol­ogy dig – appar­ent­ly in this world hav­ing liv­ing dinosaurs at your dis­pos­al has in no way altered the meth­ods of pale­on­to­log­i­cal research. Said research has altered these dinosaurs, how­ev­er, and now some come in an array of pla­s­ticky feath­ers that ren­der them hope­less­ly cartoonish.

The film is not so much a nar­ra­tive as a sequence of loose­ly tied-togeth­er chase sequences where every run­ning per­son, car, plane, rap­tor, and larg­er-than-aver­age locust trav­els at the exact same speed. With so lit­tle dia­logue and so much green screen that it’s hard to imag­ine the cast had any clue what the film they were shoot­ing actu­al­ly was, most of the expo­si­tion is giv­en to a flash­back of a woman preg­nant with her own clone, and fran­chise favourite BD Wong who seems utter­ly exhausted.

Beyond its non­sen­si­cal plot, the film imag­ines the audi­ence will be delight­ed by a myr­i­ad of ref­er­ences to the first film – but in Domin­ion it feels less like watch­ing a beloved band play their great­est hits and more like watch­ing them hawk merch to pay for an expen­sive divorce. Embarrassing.

Lit­tle White Lies is com­mit­ted to cham­pi­oning great movies and the tal­ent­ed peo­ple who make them.

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